Christian Life – Page 2 – The Bashful Butterfly

“I’m so happy for you!”

“I wish you the best!”

“We support you one hundred percent!”

“I hope you’re well and you take care of yourself during this time” .

“I’m sending positive thoughts your way”.

The well wishes of my parents, friends and colleagues uplift my spirit as I take a major step towards mental health wellness. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be undergoing a deep, intense therapy called “The Breakthrough Process”.

The purpose of the “Breakthrough Process”, according to my therapist, is to “release the toxic energy that has been draining you for so long” and that I need to release “the yarn ball of combined traumatic experiences”.

Scary part; this conversation happened right after our first session back on September 23rd, 2020.

The type of mental health therapy I’m about to undergo comes at a price ( a hefty $3000.00 so thank God my parents are helping me finance the therapy) ; I think about the scripture in Luke 14:28, about counting the cost of battle. At first, I shirked at the price, thinking, “this woman is out of her mind”.

Turns out, I’m the one that has been out of my mind for twenty plus years. Anxiety and depression became appendages that took over my mind and eventually my actions. My smile faded. I jumped every time the phone rang, convinced of terrible news on the other end of the line. Then came a jagged symphony of insomnia, negative thinking, migraine headaches, diminished cognitive thinking, low energy, apathy and hopelessness.

So I had two choices; I could either have a breakthrough or I could have a breakdown.

I have no idea what tomorrow will be like. I’ll wake up at 5:00 AM, take an Uber to the Metro North and then a Bee line bus to my therapist’s office. The Breakthrough process takes a week and I have no idea who will step out of my therapist’s office when we have our final session of the Breakthrough Process.

All I know is that I’m ready for something new.

“And I will give you a new heart and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh”. Ezekiel 36:26

When Words Fail

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with with groanings too deep for words” (Romans 8:26).

Imagine a writer without words to write.

After a month long silence, my brain has finally transmitted the words which my fingertips are typing at this very moment. Encamped in my messy room for the foreseeable future, I thought I would be able to find the words to comfort myself and others around me.

I came up empty.

If you turn on the TV to any news station or scroll through dozens of posts through Facebook all you hear is news about the Covid-19 virus. The deaths. Thousands infected each day. Over crowded hospitals. Loved ones having to say goodbye through window panes or walkie talkies.

Sometimes there are no words.

So I turned to God’s word. Since April is officially National Poetry Month, I focused my Bible study on the book of Psalm. Psalm is primarily written by David, king of Israel, along with passages written by Solomon and Moses. Through the chaos unleashed by the Covid-19 virus, Psalm provided a tranquil oasis of God’s love, deliverance and goodness. Two particular scriptures stand out during the grueling progression of our new reality.

“But for me it is good to be near God;

I have made the God my refuge,

That I may tell of all your works”

(Psalm 73:28, ESV)

“He is not afraid of bad news;

His heart is firm, trusting in the Lord

His heart is steady ; he will not be afraid,

(Psalm 112: 7-8a ESV)

The above scriptures inscribed into my heart as I battled with the uncertainty and anxiety from the new normal everyone is living with. Writing about goodness can feel as though I’m mocking the people who are suffering physically, mentally, emotionally, economically and spiritually. Why should someone speak on the goodness of God when it seems nothing good is happening anywhere?

What I do know is God calls his children to be his witnesses. We may not erase the pain of our current circumstance, but we can share where our hope comes from. As our “new normal” continues, I am encouraged by stories of children singing to their elderly neighbors while maintaining a safe distance. I smile when I read an article of a 91 year old woman with a preexisting health condition recovering from Covid-19.

I rejoice at the miracle that happened in my own family.

For those who have been impacted by COVID-19 please know you are constantly being prayed for and lifted up to God. Sometimes words are just words, so I encourage my readers to reach out to me or people they trust if they need encouragement, support and love. Let’s remember we are not alone and to take care of each other.

With all my love

The Bashful Butterfly